Not all Requests are Boundaries

Whenever I facilitate Boundaries Workshops we get rather sooner than later to the same dilemma: "How do I know if what I am asking is a boundary or a request?"

Let's break down these 3 concepts that often get entangled: needs vs. boundaries vs. requests.

BOUNDARIES vs. NEEDS

A need is something that supports your well-being, while a boundary is how you protect that need.

For example:

Need: “I need uninterrupted focus to work efficiently.”

Boundary: “I block out focus time on my calendar and don’t accept non-urgent calls during that time.”

BOUNDARIES vs. REQUESTS

A boundary is about what you will do (self-enforced).

"I won’t respond to work emails after 7 PM."

A request is about what you’d like someone else to do (negotiable).

"Would you be okay with discussing work emails only during office hours?"

A request is a clear and direct ask that invites collaboration to help meet a need. Unlike boundaries, requests involve the other person’s choice — they can say yes or no.

How They Work Together

To create balance, you need all three:

Identify your need → "I need time to recharge after work."

Set a boundary → "I don’t schedule work calls after 6 PM."

Make a request (if necessary) → "Can we schedule our weekly check-ins before 5 PM?"

If you'd wish to talk more about it, please feel free to leave a comment with any questions/remarks . :)